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you always reminded me of a sparrow. strength in the length of wings, you were always so free. always so, free-falling as if gravity himself couldn’t hold you back. you were always so, clean. in that “cover me in earth” kind of way, in that “miracle of birth” kind of way. you were deep, & i dug you. buried my lungs under lines dedicated to needing you, & i was breathing you, were always like air. exactly like life, you were always so fair.....

Call me Cocky...Fuck it I'm honest.... A poem by Christian Smith Jr

my speech ain’t bravado,
so don’t assume i’m being cocky when i tell you there’s no he that will love you better. there is no him that will hold you longer, miss you stronger — long for you harder — this man doesn’t exist.

i’m conflicted — somewhere between confidence & wisdom,
there ain’t a man alive with more pride to swallow. no better lover will come tomorrow because there is no dude that will love you like this. see past the bullshit, disregard the arguments, & love you regardless. you won’t find him because he doesn’t exist.
he can’t. 

i was created to love you in ways undocumented. i made it through grade school, passed every year, & grabbed that diploma. i snagged papers clearly stating that i spent twelve years & then some learning to love you like this.

Hey you....

hey you
— fireflies light up every walkway graced with your presence, & i can’t help but imagine times where starlight illuminates night skies & we hold hands. granted i’m not a fan of dramatic romantics, but for you, i’d make magic happen. call you at exactly 11:12, on friday the 13th, just so you know that good things happen during bad times & i wasn’t exactly alive until i looked into your eyes. i was just living.

hey you
— butterflies transform into doves & my stomach is soaring in suggestions of love. & i could be overstepping my line, but i, think about you all the time. i, can’t wait to be close to you, & we can do sap shit like, ride the train with no destination in mind. i, can’t wait to be bound up &, wrapped tight in your embrace. i’ve never been one to debate with fate. you’re the queen in this card game of faith…

hey you
— i dream of your face.

You're wrorth it

i only hug you like you’ll disappear
because i’m afraid you will tonight,
& they say good things don’t last forever,
but i’m thinkin better might.
because you’re something like,
a hybrid.
you’re amazing’s cross with perfect.
missing you is painful,
but you’re worth it.

Morning Feet Upside Down...... ode 2 u

i like the way you,
confuse things.
like this notion i had,
beforehand,
that you’d be just a you,
& i’d be just a me,
but you place things a little differently.
like waking up in the morning, &
feeling your eyes all over my
face, hands under me, body close
to me.
like smiling in the afternoon,
glorious smiles from
my fingertips grazing
lion’s mane &
sunshine.
that made no sense, but you
make no sense.
you with me makes,
perfect sense, because you
confuse things.
heart in the clouds,
hands on the ground,
morning feet upside
down.

I have known you all along

I have known you all along

Still I am reminded of the moment we met
and the only sight that could
ever contend to be as beautiful
was the vision of you walking away because
us parting meant that we were once connected
and what could be as beautiful as that

A bittersweet picture
forced inside a regretful frame of mind
And I am reminded...

You told me I flirted
dangerously close along the lines of being
everything you ever wanted
and maybe the reason I pushed
you away is because I was
terribly frightened at even
the mere thought
of being that close
to eternity

I could almost touch it

I never told you but,
thousands of years before
we were ever
formally introduced I had
already considered spending
the rest of my lives
with you

Yes, In past times I knew...

I watched from afar as you
played your guitar;
swayed with the crowd making
occasional eye contact
hoping you would notice but
you never broke your focus

And in faraway lands
I was the sand beneath
your feet

Even then I adored you, and although we had yet to meet...
I was reminded of every word you ever said to me

The only thing that
ever came close to
sounding as sweet
was the tone of your
voice as you whispered goodbye
to me because
your difficult farewell
only meant that
parts of you
desired to
stay

Maybe the reason I pushed
you away is because I was
terribly frightened at even
the mere thought
of being that close
to eternity

I could almost touch it

I never told you but
The first night you said
you loved me I looked
into your eyes and I swear
to everything
I saw forever staring back
at me

The air reeked of fear

And the only thing
that ever frightened me to
that degree was
the idea of you leaving and
never coming back

It reminds me of the moment we
met and suddenly
I am no longer
afraid of touching eternity

(You told me that it was
the only possible way
you could ever stay)

“I do”

And you’ll never believe me but
I have known it all along

Visions of Me...

…Remind yourself. Nobody built like you, you design yourself… - Jay Z

I never got to tell you...

Dear Christian Gabriel Smith Sr.

When I was little….I always wanted to wear your shoes because in our house you were superman, the one person who no matter what the world threw at him, could always save the day.  You are not just my father you are my hero; the man who taught me that it is ok to cry just as much as it is ok to laugh; for that I am eternally grateful beyond words. Thank you for teaching that a man will make mistakes but what’s important is our ability to fix those mistakes. Thank you for teaching me how to love openly and honestly I will forever cherish those teachings. 

As I got older….I always wanted to wear your shoes because you were like the Batman to my Robin… teaching me, loving me, and allowing me to grow as an individual. Your strength could not be measured by weights and your height could not be measured by a number. To me, my father, you were bigger than life.  I watched you bury your best friend, my mother and praise God for giving you the opportunity to love her; how can I measure up to man you are? 

When I am older… I will still want to wear your shoes because you inspired me to reach for the unattainable, to break the mold and be a man. To love, to live, to enjoy….to praise God in good and in bad. To be thankful for what I have, share with those who don’t, and work for what I want. 

I never got to tell you then so I will tell you now…I always wanted to wear your shoes daddy because you are my hero and I miss you so much.

With love,

Christian Gabriel Smith Jr. 

PS.

I hope my son wants to wear my shoes. 

Twitter Case Files Case # 45

@WritinMyWrongz

So, I find myself receiving more than my share of DM’s on twitter. Most are spammed messages encouraging me to, “please check out the hottest new track,” *rolls eyes* do I look like a music producer? Truthfully homie what can I do for your music? Not a damn thang moving along!  In the midst of that I get a lot of random questions that I have decided to start randomly answering here in my new posts that I will call – The Twitter Case Files.

When time permits, I will add a screen shot but since I have already taken up enough time explaining the Twitter Case files, we will forgo that this time.

DM: XXXXXXXX

Hey you how have you been? Anyways i need to ask u a question..honestly would u be interested in talking to me on a different level?? Like I sn yo tweets n you sexci and the type of man I could really make happy sexually.

Ok look at this above fuckery. So much is wrong with this DM. You don’t even know me…seriously you just DM’d me the ass? Also please use correct grammar when dm’ing me your ass. Oh and one more thing – what do I say in 140 characters that indicated the two of us would be great fuck buddies; because essentially that is what you just proposed.

We have to do better… #icant case closed.

Christian G. Smith

I grab a pencil and draw my name on the atmosphere
So the Hollywood sign isn't the only thing that will appear
No plane can smear
My artistic ability because whatever I produce is permanent
So at the end of the day that is not even a fear
Dear Home,
They say the house is where the heart is
I will always love you but I finally broke the "barbed wire"
By the hands of the most high so I can go higher
I broke the prison bars
So I have no other option but to go far
They say the sky is the limit
So the next time you see me I'm going to be moon walking on Mars
Matter of fact...
I'm going to spark up this dream at a gas station running through landmines
Hoping that this vision of mines will blow up in time
Doubters say I'm insane
For me wanting to go on this Midnight Plane
Saying that I'm never gonna make it beyond the boarder
But if the days get colder
My passion will be the motor
For my drive, my automobile
So the one's after me can feel
The pride, the determination, the lust
the rush of a dream but the spotlight is not a must
But before
I get on this plane I'm just gonna keep this small little hope
SO to end this letter....
Home, I will always love you
But love can wait, I got a dollar and a dream
And I will go broke...

I am Christian G. Smith Jr.